I grew up in a very sex positive household. My mom, per request of my grandma, sent me to college with a bulk pack of 500 condoms. I was known as "The Condom Fairy" to my freshman friends and had a bag of them hanging on my door for people on my floor to take (I had 500 of them, it's not like I was going to miss them).
Two years later, all of those condoms are gone, but needless to say when I saw this article pitch I just had to write it. So, without further ado, let's get freaky:
1. A zucchini
A perfect fit.
2. A cucumber
More like cu-member, ammirite?
3. A banana
A health class classic.
4. A smaller banana
5. A skinny carrot
No offense to the carrot, but yikes.
6. An eggplant
It broke.
7. A butternut squash
8. A grapefruit
9. A carton of raspberries
It became clear in this moment that this one was a better idea in my head.
Broken condom, broken dreams.
10. A lone raspberry
You never know.
11. An apple
12. A pineapple
12 .5 The bottom of the pineapple
Honestly concerned as to why/how this worked so well.
13. (Cue "Jaws" theme music) A melon
Oh god.
All hands on deck.
WE MADE IT.
It took 3 people and 6 hands total to get that baby on there. Maybe I shouldn't use "baby" as a euphemism for condom.
If you take anything away from this, it should be that one size absolutely does not fit all. Condoms come in a variety of shapes and sizes, so make sure you get ones that work best for you. Also silicone based lube is extremely difficult to get off of counter tops.